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Kelly, MyQute.com

Many parents are at their wits’ end when they find that their teenaged children are starting to trust their friends more than they listen to them.  Many parents also realize that their teenaged kids are more “savvy” at cooking up lies – to play truant or for other reasons.  Dear parents, is it your fear that one day, your teenager gets into trouble some day?

I’ve have had kids around me all my life, even after I got my first job as a civil servant.   My mum was a professional  Nanny.  Ahem!   And just for personal development, I once took up a counselling course to better understand and help teenagers (Youth Challenge, Singapore).

With what I observe and have experienced, here’s the 10 what and how-tos to handling your teenagers:

1. Teach them not to waste time and to be more useful/creative with their time.  Assign them weekly household chores by motivating them,”You can go for your basketball with friends if you keep your room clean and tidy.”  Daily chores can include washing up their own dishes after a meal.  Encourage your teenager to visit orphanages and strike up relationships with non-profit organisations for money-raising events.  A busy teenager is one who not only learns new things and about being compassionate, a busy teenager stays out of trouble too!
2. Don’t just arrange activities or tell your child what to do – ask for their opinions.  Give them a choice to choose what they want to wear for the next outing for example.  Have some flexibility.  Give and take as to the number of hours you allow your teenager to be outdoors with his friends, for example.
3. Actions speaks loud.   Be a real role model. Stop carrying that heavy school bag for him/her (this should start from as young as 4.)  If you are kind to your parents and visit them regularly, chances are your teenager will follow your footsteps.
4. Reward your teenagers by way of giving them privileges. For example, to reward them for doing well in sports, you allow your teenager longer talk time via the phone or by reserving several tickets for a movie you know your teenager has been dying to watch.  Similarly, you take away or reduce privileges if teenagers have broken “house rules” that they’ve agreed to stick to.
5. Find a good time to talk to your teenagers about sex and birth control! If you can’t do it yourself, buy them books that they can read.   (I highly recommend “Sex Stuff they don’t teach you at School” by author Josie Montano.)  It’s actually more harmful when teenagers do not know enough of sex.  There are safety and self-esteem issues attached to sex and teenagers should be aware and think about it before leaping into sex (or bed) for the wrong reasons.
6. It’s not about perfection – it’s all about improvement. We tend to get better (and probably excel) in the things we do if we have people clapping and motivating us to the FINISH line.   Similarly, no matter how small the improvement is, seek ways to encourage your teenager to do better.   Praise for those small achievements and watch your proud teenager achieving better grades because you motivated him/her.
7. Especially if your teenager is keeping to him/herself, encourage your teenager to invite their friends home once in awhile.   Never say bad things about his/her friends too.  Make them know how you feel but do not force your teenager to “leave” bad company.  He/she will do so when he/she realises and knows you are right!
8. When one parent disciplines (serious talk I mean), the rest back off!  There’s something detrimental about parents not agreeing with the way your teenager should be “dealt with”.   Beware – teenagers can turn that kind of disagreement in their “favor”.   Always agree that when one disciplines the child, that the other adults in the house, including your spouse, do not interfere.
9. “I love you very much but I do not like it when you take to drugs.  Whenever you touch things like that, it hurts me.” Sometimes that’s all that it takes to bring your teenager “back into reality and under control”.  And if all else fails, seek a counsellor for help.
10. Never ever give your teenager the impression that money is easy to earn (even if it has been for you).   In fact don’t talk about it except to teach them to record their spendings and savings on a daily basis – the minus and the plus-es.   This actually makes them think of ways they can be frugal.  (According to statistics, the likelihood of success for an adult receiving yearly cash gifts from their parents are much more diminished than those who do not.)

Itching to talk back?  Talk to get rid of the itch by commenting or tracking back from your blog!

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